If I laid a brick for each time someone called me difficult, I'd have built myself a version of my own union buildings by now. My inherited gentle smile and kind persona have misled many men into thinking I'm an oversized marshmallow, a full-time pushover (admittedly, which I can be), and some putty you can mold or convert into your "dream gal". But ask anyone who knows me well "What's Tracy like?", and they're bound to paint a strikingly vivid picture of how stubborn as a mule I actually am. It's not that I'm difficult for the sake of being difficult; I'm just not afraid to say when something (or someone) isn't quite for me. As complex as my personality may be, I like to think I'm quite simple to please and decipher; as I've come to understand it though, simplicity is often misconstrued for being complicated.
When it comes to dating, I think one of the interesting things I've heard someone say about me (by exes, family and friends), is that I have a no-nonsense approach to it. Which is to say, I don't don't give a person enough room to screw up before moving on to my next prey. "Your standards are too high, and you can be too much," is what one of my male friends (we'll call him M) usually says to me each time after I fill him in on the brief details of my latest, deflated and short-lived squeeze. But by what standards are my standards, "impossible standards"?
Let's break down my most common reasons for swopping settling for single:
Your Time is Up
I feel bad for even putting this out there, but the rate at which I lose interest in a guy is almost as fast as your quickest fibre internet connection. Ok, I'm lying. It's more like snail-mail -- give or take, two- to four-weeks -- and that's if I like the oke mildly. If I'm madly in like with him, oh, then Houston, we have a problem... but that's a rare phenomenon. There's only so long a girl can linger about waiting for sparks to catch on where there's no "magic". I'm not dying to be with someone, so I cut my loses and return to Singledom. I really enjoy the process of getting to know someone on actual dates, and yes, I do get bummed out when he's not "the one" -- I may even try to convince myself to settle, but until the time I pick up a strong enough connection with that special guy, this sailor keeps fishing.
He's Just Not That Into Me
I'll tell you one thing: Women are terrible at rejection. We can have ten guys slobbering over us at the same time, and we'll remain hung up on that one guy who's least (or not) interested. Usually I tend to question the obvious, overthink situations and read too much into his actions, all in the effort to avoid the obvious: He's just not that into me. It's a devastating fact I'll probably have to face more times than I'd like to, but men experience it every day, and they seem to move on just fine. If he cancels on plans at last minute, acts too busy, can't give straight answers, always has an excuse for not doing something, brings up his ex at every turn... forgerrabourit. In the past couple of years, I've realised dating's meant to be fun -- not some gruelling interview that my desired marital status depends on as my biological clock draws closer to its expiration date. During that time, I'm feeling out for genuine compatibility (it's got to be as natural as possible), and honesty is key here -- even if that honesty comes from him first. Becuase I'm not one to try and prove that my milkshake is better than any other She, I keep it moving. If I don't score a relationship, at least I got to make out with a cute guy before signing up for rejection therapy. If he hasn't heard from me within a month, consider the therapy very successful.
Going Long-Term
I've never been one to assume the length of a relationship was synonymous with its success, which is one of the reasons I'm not afraid to call it quits when I feel it's time. Being in a relationship isn't the reward for me; being with someone who I feel complements me is. How much time do you need to realise that the train you're on is running on circled tracks and not headed towards your desired destination? Never lie to yourself in an effort to kill Lonely.
When I'm Single, I Enjoy Being Single
I love my own company, and as much as it's great to have someone to share a romantic experience with, I can never have too much me-time, which is why l tend to shy away from men who hop from one relationship to the next after a breakup. I don't trust their state of mind at the time.
Their hearts may be in the right place, but I'm convinced their heads aren't.
The Idea of You
I used to have this atrocious habit of wanting to be with someone because I loved the idea of him, more than I did him. It's not that I didn't love-him love-him, but the chemistry was manufactured and anything but natural. "He's a good man. He's good-looking. He's smart. He's independent. He'll help you forget that silly ex..." that kind of stupid. But now, I'm mature enough to say no to the prospect of dating someone simply for the sake of saying, "I'm with someone." Being single isn't that much of a train-smash.
More than Materialistic
Dear Worthy Suitor
Under any circumstances, please never resort to using what you have or how much you earn to lure me into your den. It's a major eye-roller for me. I might find it impressive and genuinely feel happy for you, but that never dictates whether I choose to be in a relationship with you or not. Show me who you are -- who you really are without the personal boosters, and we could make magic.
Educate Yourself
While I could never turn someone away because they read too little or watch too much of the tube, but I'll definitely make it to the quickest exit if you walk and talk like an overly processed human being that's been plied with too much propaganda and entertainment news to think for themselves. I question everything, I learn, unlearn and relearn on a daily; the last thing I need is to come across yet another man who finds this problematic.
I'm Just Being Honest
As hard as it can be at times, I like being very honest. I'd rather tell someone how I feel or what I think, even if I have to sugar-coat it a tad. (Surprisingly, this hasn't worked out too bad for me in the past.) If I can be brutally honest about anything with you and you like me even more for it, we're headed for the moon, Sunshine.
I'm Very Ambitious
If you gave me a long enough lever, I'd attempt to change the position of the earth. Oh ya... it's that bad. I need to be with someone just as mentally unstable. One of my exes felt I was trying to change him into something he wasn't because I spoke of my dreams and goals. As much as I cared for him, I was forced to break up with him. I never want to make someone else uncomfortable because I'm being myself, and I never want to feel the need to compromise who I am to accommodate another.
No Religion
If I meet another guy who tries to convert me, exorcise me or lecture me into becoming a member of his religion, I may very well start dating women. Seriously: No religious bigots need apply.
Well, there you have it.
In summary, I'd like to iron out the creases of that misconception once again by declaring: I'm not difficult to please. I'm just impossibly patient. It's quite simple jumping into the first seemingly good thing to come by in ages, than it is to wait for something that's meant for you. If it's written, it'll happen. There's no need to try and make orange juice from lemons.
When it comes to dating, I think one of the interesting things I've heard someone say about me (by exes, family and friends), is that I have a no-nonsense approach to it. Which is to say, I don't don't give a person enough room to screw up before moving on to my next prey. "Your standards are too high, and you can be too much," is what one of my male friends (we'll call him M) usually says to me each time after I fill him in on the brief details of my latest, deflated and short-lived squeeze. But by what standards are my standards, "impossible standards"?
Let's break down my most common reasons for swopping settling for single:
Your Time is Up
I feel bad for even putting this out there, but the rate at which I lose interest in a guy is almost as fast as your quickest fibre internet connection. Ok, I'm lying. It's more like snail-mail -- give or take, two- to four-weeks -- and that's if I like the oke mildly. If I'm madly in like with him, oh, then Houston, we have a problem... but that's a rare phenomenon. There's only so long a girl can linger about waiting for sparks to catch on where there's no "magic". I'm not dying to be with someone, so I cut my loses and return to Singledom. I really enjoy the process of getting to know someone on actual dates, and yes, I do get bummed out when he's not "the one" -- I may even try to convince myself to settle, but until the time I pick up a strong enough connection with that special guy, this sailor keeps fishing.
He's Just Not That Into Me
I'll tell you one thing: Women are terrible at rejection. We can have ten guys slobbering over us at the same time, and we'll remain hung up on that one guy who's least (or not) interested. Usually I tend to question the obvious, overthink situations and read too much into his actions, all in the effort to avoid the obvious: He's just not that into me. It's a devastating fact I'll probably have to face more times than I'd like to, but men experience it every day, and they seem to move on just fine. If he cancels on plans at last minute, acts too busy, can't give straight answers, always has an excuse for not doing something, brings up his ex at every turn... forgerrabourit. In the past couple of years, I've realised dating's meant to be fun -- not some gruelling interview that my desired marital status depends on as my biological clock draws closer to its expiration date. During that time, I'm feeling out for genuine compatibility (it's got to be as natural as possible), and honesty is key here -- even if that honesty comes from him first. Becuase I'm not one to try and prove that my milkshake is better than any other She, I keep it moving. If I don't score a relationship, at least I got to make out with a cute guy before signing up for rejection therapy. If he hasn't heard from me within a month, consider the therapy very successful.
Going Long-Term
I've never been one to assume the length of a relationship was synonymous with its success, which is one of the reasons I'm not afraid to call it quits when I feel it's time. Being in a relationship isn't the reward for me; being with someone who I feel complements me is. How much time do you need to realise that the train you're on is running on circled tracks and not headed towards your desired destination? Never lie to yourself in an effort to kill Lonely.
When I'm Single, I Enjoy Being Single
I love my own company, and as much as it's great to have someone to share a romantic experience with, I can never have too much me-time, which is why l tend to shy away from men who hop from one relationship to the next after a breakup. I don't trust their state of mind at the time.
Their hearts may be in the right place, but I'm convinced their heads aren't.
The Idea of You
I used to have this atrocious habit of wanting to be with someone because I loved the idea of him, more than I did him. It's not that I didn't love-him love-him, but the chemistry was manufactured and anything but natural. "He's a good man. He's good-looking. He's smart. He's independent. He'll help you forget that silly ex..." that kind of stupid. But now, I'm mature enough to say no to the prospect of dating someone simply for the sake of saying, "I'm with someone." Being single isn't that much of a train-smash.
More than Materialistic
Dear Worthy Suitor
Under any circumstances, please never resort to using what you have or how much you earn to lure me into your den. It's a major eye-roller for me. I might find it impressive and genuinely feel happy for you, but that never dictates whether I choose to be in a relationship with you or not. Show me who you are -- who you really are without the personal boosters, and we could make magic.
Educate Yourself
While I could never turn someone away because they read too little or watch too much of the tube, but I'll definitely make it to the quickest exit if you walk and talk like an overly processed human being that's been plied with too much propaganda and entertainment news to think for themselves. I question everything, I learn, unlearn and relearn on a daily; the last thing I need is to come across yet another man who finds this problematic.
I'm Just Being Honest
As hard as it can be at times, I like being very honest. I'd rather tell someone how I feel or what I think, even if I have to sugar-coat it a tad. (Surprisingly, this hasn't worked out too bad for me in the past.) If I can be brutally honest about anything with you and you like me even more for it, we're headed for the moon, Sunshine.
I'm Very Ambitious
If you gave me a long enough lever, I'd attempt to change the position of the earth. Oh ya... it's that bad. I need to be with someone just as mentally unstable. One of my exes felt I was trying to change him into something he wasn't because I spoke of my dreams and goals. As much as I cared for him, I was forced to break up with him. I never want to make someone else uncomfortable because I'm being myself, and I never want to feel the need to compromise who I am to accommodate another.
No Religion
If I meet another guy who tries to convert me, exorcise me or lecture me into becoming a member of his religion, I may very well start dating women. Seriously: No religious bigots need apply.
Well, there you have it.
In summary, I'd like to iron out the creases of that misconception once again by declaring: I'm not difficult to please. I'm just impossibly patient. It's quite simple jumping into the first seemingly good thing to come by in ages, than it is to wait for something that's meant for you. If it's written, it'll happen. There's no need to try and make orange juice from lemons.
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